all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
