using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
