you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
