I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
