well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
