how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
whose parrot is this?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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