Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
zippers are such a cool invention
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
