I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
