this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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