Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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