I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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