But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
