can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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