I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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