i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
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I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
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He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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