piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
