we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
