mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
