he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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