did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
