Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
