Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
