We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I need to sanitize my soul.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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