I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
