i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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