The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
