she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
