its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
