I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
