i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
