Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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