So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
