Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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