i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
