So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I am naked and annoyed.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
