R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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