i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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