You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
