why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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