I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
