I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
