i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
