I wish I could teleport
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
