I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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