he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
