Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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