dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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