there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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