wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
