After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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