Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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