I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
