Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
