worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
