I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
