Dual....:-)
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
