the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
