she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
