apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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