You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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