i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
