Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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