Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
