idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
