I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
