Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
