I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
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