Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you didnt know i had herpes?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
