i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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