So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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