ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
it's great music for shaving your balls
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
