you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
