Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Randomize
