I am in a vortex of obligation.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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