Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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